are you an 80's child

[paulmo1]

You might be a child of the 80's if...

... you have deep, personal relationships via computer with
people you've never met in real life.

... the phrase "going courting", to you, means fighting an
unjust traffic ticket or playing tennis.

... you know, by heart, the words to any "Weird" Al Yankovic
song.

... not that you'd do it personally, but body piercing
captivates your attention.

... you remember the days when cocaine was just fine in powder
form, thankyouverymuch.

... you think the "the Gay 90's" refers to this decade and
sexual orientation.

... the Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories.

... you remember the first time "Space: Above and Beyond" aired
- it was called "Battlestar Galactica"

.... songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day.

... three words: "Atari" "IntelliVision" and "Coleco". Sound
familiar?

... you remember the days that hooking your computer into your
television wasn't an expensive option that required gadgets -
it was the ONLY WAY to use your computer!

... you remember the days when "safe sex" meant "my parents are
gone for the weekend".

... you remember "Friday Night Videos" before the days of MTV.

... you ever owned a pair of "Pop-Wheels" - that handy little
combination of shoe and roller skate that lasted about a year
on the open market.

... a predominant color in your childhood photos is "plaid".

... you're pissed that you couldn't really participate in the
60's, pissed that you were a part of the 70's, think you wasted
too much time doing stupid, meaningless things in the 80's, and
still have no clue what the 90's are all about.

... you see teenagers today wearing clothes that show up in
those childhood photos, and they still look bad.

... while in high school, you and all your friends discussed
elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century
and play "1999" by Prince over and over again.

... you remember when music that was labeled "alternative"
really was.

... one of the top five questions you've always wanted answered
was to Robert Smith of the Cure - "What WAS that head on the
door thing, anyway?"

... you were shocked and horrified at the Challenger explosion
(which you were probably watching in school at the time), and
yet, when someone mentions the name "JFK", the first thing you
think of is "Oliver Stone".

... you, yes you, sat down and memorized the entire lyric sheet
to "It's the end of the world as we know it".

... you can't remember when the word "networking" didn't have a
computer connotation to it as well.

... you took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van.
You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the
cars behind you.

... you knew all the words to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the
Fire", but it really didn't hold any meaning for you until
about the third verse.

... you've ever conversationally used the phrase "Jane, you
ignorant slut".

... you watched HR Puffenstuff as a child, but now that you're
older, you really understand that it would have been much
better had you known about drugs at the time.

... you've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the
following phrases: -- "When I was younger . . ." -- "When I was
your age . . ." -- "You know, back when . . ." -- "Because I
SAID so, that's why." -- "What the HELL is this noise on the
radio?" -- "Just can't (fill in the blank) like I used to."

... you can't remember a time when "going out for coffee"
DIDN'T involve 49,000 selections to choose from.

... Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually
learned the English language.

... kids who work in restaurants and supermarkets are starting
to piss you off by calling you "sir" or "ma'am".

... you're starting to view getting carded to buy alcohol as a
GOOD thing, and you're ready to marry the next person who cards
you when you want to buy cigarettes.

... flashback: it was your first chance to vote in a
presidential election, and you were SO disappointed because,
just for laughs, you really wanted to vote for Gary Hart.

... the first time you heard the candidates' names, you were
pumped because you thought MICHAEL Jackson was running for
President, not this Jesse character.

... you ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a
Duran Duran, Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper video.

... at one point during your teenage years, you walked with a
noticeable tilt to one side due to the number of plastic rings
on that arm.

... "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang was one of the hot new
songs when you first heard it at a school dance.

... the first time you ever kissed someone at a dance fell
during "Crazy for You" by Madonna.

... there were at least three people in your school that
voluntarily went by the names of "Skip" "Buffy" "Muffy" or
"Dexter".

... you ever owned one of those embarrassing crimping irons.

... you used to hold in your head the thought that all those
gold chains on Mr. T actually looked kinda cool and the thought
that Mr. T made millions seemed rational to you at the time.

... you remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine
hit the streets and made your old big wheel quite obsolete.

... the phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with
laughter.

... you read the "Hot Video Games Player's Secrets" guide for
Mortal Kombat just so you could find the hidden screen, and
play Pong again for old time's sake.

... honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie
could ever possibly get better special effects than those in
the movie TRON.

... you ever had nightmares about the giant red evil robot
Maximillian from the Disney movie "The Black Hole" and those
blender attachments he had for hands.

... you were convinced for years that Batman was a mildly
overweight man with a moderate beer belly who wore his
underwear outside of his clothes and talked strangely.

... (guys) your first wet dream occurred to thoughts of
Jeannie, Marsha Brady, Samantha from Bewitched or, for those
hardcore comic fans out there, Daphne from Scooby Doo, Josie or
any one of her Pussycats.

... (girls) you thought Sean Cassidy was "dreamy", lusted after
"Ted, your ship's photographer" on the Love Boat and Chachi,
or, to keep it fair to the comically interested, thought Fred
was just a hunk on Scooby Doo.

... you're still occasionally suffering flashbacks from your
21st birthday party.

... you're starting to dread you're 30th birthday, and have
even begun going into denial about its possibility.

... you've ever said "I'm a vegetarian" and immediately had
someone call you a hypocrite by saying "Nice leather jacket you
have there... and gee, is that a suede bag... those shoes
leather, too?"

... you're starting to believe that maybe 30 isn't so old after
all, and it's those people over 40 you have to look out for.

... you freaked out when you found that you now fall into the
"26 - 50" age category on most questionnaires.

... you have begun to lust after women (or men) that it would
be socially inappropriate for you to date due to their age.

... your hair, at some point in time in the 80's, became
something which can only be described by the phrase "I was
experimenting".

[paulmo1]

... this timeline appropriately describes actual events in your
life: Star Wars opens, you are still in single digit ages, and
you think the creatures are WAY cool.

Empire Strikes Back opens, you are now in early double digit
ages, and you are convinced that the special effects are much
better, the characters are cooler, and you want one of every
collectible out there.

Return of the Jedi hits the theaters, you are now a teenager,
and you cannot get your eyes off Princess Leia's breasts or Han
Solo's butt. You fantasize forever and ever about it, and send
off to join every fan club for them on the planet, hanging
posters, photos, an "teen"-type magazine spreads all over your
walls and lockers at school.

... you remember when the phrase "candy is dandy, but sex won't
rot your teeth" started getting followed by "yeah, but M&M's
won't give you AIDS..."

... you've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton, but
not in the last five years, okay?

... you can't remember a time when "hitting the outlet stores"
didn't mean going to an electrical warehouse.

... you're starting to believe (now that it wouldn't affect
YOU) that maybe having the kids go to school year-round
wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.

... you're doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to
your major degree.

... you won't walk into the place where you once knew every
bartender on a first name basis because "there's too many kids
there".

... going to keg parties no longer involves hiding out in the
woods when the cops show up.

... you want to go out dancing, you really, REALLY do, but your
back hurts, sorry.

... you're starting to think that Corvettes really look good,
and aren't REALLY for guys going through a mid-life crisis and
worried about their penises. That's not YOU.

... you're starting to get that "Why aren't you married yet?"
schpiel, not just from parents, but now from friends who are
married.

... you've recently horrified yourself by groaning as you get
out of bed, not because of a hangover, but because it genuinely
just hurt to do so.

... you're finding that you just don't understand more than
half the lingo used on MTV any more.

... (mostly guys on this one) sex is still as much fun as it
used to be, and you're still really interested in it, but you
just want to make sure there's nothing really good on cable
that you'd be missing first.

... you ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon.

... U2 is too "popular" and "mainstream" for you now.

... you ever used the phrase "kiss mah grits" in conversation.

... when somone mentions two consecutive days of the week, the
Happy Days theme is stuck in your head for hours on end.

... you remember trying to guess the episode of the Brady Bunch
from the first scene.

... you ever used the phrase "don't make me angry... you
wouldn't LIKE me when I'm angry" when trying to frighten
someone off.

... you spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic
Woman or Wonder Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man.

... you had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding (on
General Hospital).

... you remember "Hey, let's be careful out there."

... your parents wanted you to attend medical school, but you
decided it was pointless since Quincy got all the babes,
anyway.

... you know who shot J.R.

... this rings a bell: "and my name, is Charlie. They work for
me."