this weeks jokes

[chucktx]

post em here, i think the fridge may be busy with homework!!!!
An 18th-century vagabond, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon."

He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.

"Could ye spare some victuals?"

The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.

"Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she shouted.

"Could I at least use your privy?" "No!" she shouted again.

The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"

"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.

"D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"
chucktx

[chucktx]

Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
chucktx

[chucktx]

Kathy walks into the drug store and asks her neighbor, Jeff the druggist, for some arsenic.

Jeff smiles and asks Kathy, "What do you want with arsenic?"

Kathy replied, "To kill my husband Jim."

Stunned Jeff says, "Kathy, what's the matter with you, I can't sell arsenic for that reason."

Before Jeff could say another word, Kathy reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of Jim and Jeff's wife in bed.

Jeff takes the picture, looks at it and says, "Why didn't you tell me you have a prescription."
chucktx

[chucktx]

One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "Ohio State."
chucktx

[chucktx]

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on.
Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool, as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they gotten the boots off and he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to, again, wrestle the boots on his feet.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

Her trial starts next month.
chucktx

[DAFRIDGE]

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pitching in