new thread anyone

[DAFRIDGE]

i finally got around to time heres the thread for the next spur of days. lets post away yall'

[fendercontender]

A grade 5 teacher was trying to develop some vocabulary in her students, she asked them one day if they could use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

A young girl raises her hand and says "My dad and I went to the zoo. I read about the monkey's habitat, it was fascinating."

The teacher explained that, no, she wanted the students to use the work "fascinate", not "fascinating".

Another student raised her hand and said "I watch the Discovery channel with my Mom, its fascinating."

Once again the teacher explained that they were to use the word as "fascinate"!

A young boy put up his hand and said "Yesterday my sister went to the mall. She bought a new purple sweater with 12 buttons. But her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."

[chucktx]

> This happened about a month ago just outside of Cocodrie, a little
>town In the bayou country of Louisiana, and while it sounds like an Alfred
>Hitchcock tale, it's real. This out of state traveler was on the side of
>the road, hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm.
>Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could
>hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving
>slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and
>silently crept toward him and stopped. Wanting a ride real bad the guy
>jumped in the car and closed the door; Only then did he realize that there
>was nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be heard over the
>rain. Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was terrified, too
>scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was
>approaching a sharp curve and, still too scared to jump out, he started to
>pray and begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the
>road and in the bayou and he would surely drown! But just before the curve
>a shadowy figure appeared at the driver's window and a hand reached in and
>turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then,
>just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the
>hitchhiker was alone again! Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand
>reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near
>death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran to town. Wet
>and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of
>whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence
>enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was
>telling the truth (and not just some drunk). About half an hour later two
>guys walked into the bar and one says to the other, "Look Boudreaux, ders
>dat idiot that rode in our car when we wuz pushin it in the rain."
chucktx

[paulmo1]

Bob went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise not to laugh."
"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor has ever seen. It couldn't have been the size of a peanut.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry Bob,"said the doctor. "I really am..I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen," Bob replied

[paulmo1]

Subject: The Big Test

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin.

These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of
testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for
the position.

After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and
testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman, but
only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely
secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a
large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the
circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife
sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I
could never shoot my own wife!"

"Well," says the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job
then."

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must
know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances,"
they explained to the second man.

"Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill
her."

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nonetheless took the gun and went
in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The
man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I
just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right
man for the job."

"No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and
go home."

Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same
door to the same room and hand her the same gun. "We must be sure that you
will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your
final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take
this gun and kill him."

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Once the door closed, the CIA
heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. Then all
hell broke loose in the room.

They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for
several minutes, then all went quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from
her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks!
I had to beat the bastard to death with the chair!"

[egneg]

These are true stories ...

A couple of weeks ago our department (facilities management for a public corporation) had a bowling party. The VP for our department asked me if I was going to bowl. I told him no - I wear shoes like this all the time. A few days later we had a department meeting (minus the VP) when the subject of the bowling party came up. I told them the story about what happened and then they all looked at my shoes. I had to tell them ... I am not wearig the bowling shoes now!

Then there was the time My boss (the Facilities Director) was very upset because someone had spilled those styrofoam packing peanuts out front and they were blowing all around the front of the corporate headquaters. I told him not to worry because they are biodegradable now and will melt when it rains. He looked at me and asked "I wonder if our styrofoam coffee cups are like that too" I had to leave the room!

I have been thinking about an A/B sign for the their office door ... "Please leave your brains at the door ... as no one inside has any"

[aixguy]

Originally Posted by egneg

These are true stories ...

A couple of weeks ago our department (facilities management for a public corporation) had a bowling party. The VP for our department asked me if I was going to bowl. I told him no - I wear shoes like this all the time. A few days later we had a department meeting (minus the VP) when the subject of the bowling party came up. I told them the story about what happened and then they all looked at my shoes. I had to tell them ... I am not wearig the bowling shoes now!

Then there was the time My boss (the Facilities Director) was very upset because someone had spilled those styrofoam packing peanuts out front and they were blowing all around the front of the corporate headquaters. I told him not to worry because they are biodegradable now and will melt when it rains. He looked at me and asked "I wonder if our styrofoam coffee cups are like that too" I had to leave the room!

I have been thinking about an A/B sign for the their office door ... "Please leave your brains at the door ... as no one inside has any"

Um, didn't you know, brain removal is the first step in the coprate ladder!

[Wizzonial]

Hi people, spent all day in town buying all kinds of crud for body and paint, well as they say if you can’t join um beat um. Right?

I’ve got a couple job's lined up so far and one is for a well know teacher in the area, gotta make it right even if it hurts like a $800 complete including 5hr bodywork on a white truck with all PPG i.e. DP + DBC + 2021 clear ouch not much $ there but I’m hoping for the Name at this point. and of course I did have to spring for the high end compressor IR's TS double ouch!


Wish me luck, Rick.

[SkidShark]

got plenty of styrofoam cups for mixxing paint in wizz?? hehehheeeeee

(skids runs out of thread before wizz gets back.....