Makin the email rounds

[Kaiilla]

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!



What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan



What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

The position of the dirt bag



Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.



What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts?



Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any



What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.



What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.



What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

45 lbs



What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes



What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.



Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.



Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends



What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you



What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.



Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.



What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.



What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"



Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.



Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?

Everyone has the same DNA.



Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.



Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

He walks around saying "Yo."



Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.



Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar.



Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?

They named him "Sum Ting Wong"



What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.



What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?

They're hiring.



What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".



How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!





What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."

A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh+*"



Why is there no Disneyland in China ?

No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

[snazee_d]

those are really funny

[landsbro]

He,He,, fun stuff,,,hmm,, gonna figure out a way to translate them to swedish,,

"do you know what animal has the a$$ hole on the back,,,,,


"Police horse"
umgh,,

[snazee_d]

that's too funy

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".


that one might just be the best of the lot

[redneck]

they are all very funny

[egneg]

I like the Italian one since I work for an Italian owned company - needless to say the gestures loose something in the translation.

[rowie]

those are as funny as all hell.

[Diaz Dezine]

I'm goin to a party tomorrow night and I'm gonna have to memorize all these!!
Too funny and great post!!
DIAZ

[Kaiilla]

Originally Posted by egneg

I like the Italian one since I work for an Italian owned company - needless to say the gestures loose something in the translation.

When I was in high school I knew a girl that spoke while mover her hands to the extreme. She was kidded about it constantly. While standing around in a group I said "If you couldn't move your hands you couldn't talk". I the proceeded to grab her hands and hold them still. She got so flustered that she could not in fact speak. I then released her hands and,,, Off she went 100 miles an hour both verbally and gesturally. I then grabbed her hands again and the words stopped abruptly.

TRUE STORY

[KDSilverBrush]

Hahahaha ROFLMLBO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!