Letter to Santa

[grinnen30]

Dear Santa-
You know how good I have been for the year. I helped an old lady across the street, I changed a flat tire for a random stranger, I didn't beat my wife or kids, and I even volunteered for my kids bake sale. But I am in a bind and need your help.

T he wife has cut me off. She has taken my credit cards, my debit cards, my check books, my cash, and the keys to my car.

See, it all started when I was sent grocery shopping. I had a list of about $20 in simple groceries the wife needed and dinner was cooking. Well, I couldn't just go to the nearest grocery store, they don't sell paint stuff and there. You see, there is this christmas contest I want to enter. I don't even know what the prizes are, but I could use any good airbrushing stuff. So I had to pick up supplies...

So I headed down to the local wal-mart, which happens to be next to the art store. Well, 2 hours and $75 later, I arrived home to a very irrate wife, and a fully burnt, partial dinner. She had that look, and a frying pan. I tried to be good and not lie, but I feared for my life.

I tried to think quick on my feet "uhhh...dear...sweetheart...I..uhhh...was...uhh... buying stuff for your christmas present. Yeah, that's it...I am going to paint you a....ummm...uhhh...well, its a secret." After she ripped the wallet and my back pocket off of my pants, I get the feeling she didn't buy it.

So Santa, here is what I need from you. 1) I need a shirt from Darla professing my love. 2) I need the rose Kimmo is painting or maybe some other really sweet and romantic picture 3) I need a helmet from Don in case she doesn't buy it. 4) I need them secretly shipped to my house on a day my wife is not home (which means I need 5) a plan to get her out of the house) 6) Since the wife took my wallet, I need you to pick up the tab on the two paintings. 7) I also need to develop enough skill to suggest I was able to paint the above paintings...Valentines day is coming up...and if I get my wallet back I have this projector I want...I better get it while I have the chance...Please help.

Truly yours,
Ike

[rowie]

Ike, that is brilliant mate.. lol

[heartless]

LOL - too funny! love it!

I've got your back grinnen30--the shirt would be no problem..We could give her my special heart w/roses & forever on the bottom..I have lil' boys & girls barely 16 come up & want this design or some other with the word forever on it. My helper & I look at these youngsters & wonder if they have a clue as to how long forever is?? As I hand them the shirt I know full well they'll be back within the month with a new forever love..I hope your wife considers keeping you around forever--good luck with your Santa list!!

[snazee_d]

that is too funny Ike

[KwitcherBitchin]

LOL, good one and Good Luck at Christmas

[grinnen30]

So, the wife read the post (Note to self...close explorer down when not in use)...so now she has really taken my cards...even went down and filled the car up so I wouldn't have any excuses j/k...she thought it was funny too...but, after reading Darla's post, she seemed to get this idea of trading me in...was literally trying to trade me in on cell phone plans, accessories, and even a bag of trash ...thankfully, no one was willing to trade...oh well...

Totally know that feeling about the "true love"...I got lucky...I got the rare chance to marry my best friend (we didn't start that way)...we had some rocky times a couple of years back, but it taught us a lot...I am VERY happy about how things are going...just hope she wasn't serious about trading me in...

She's not serious or she would have already done the deed..you're more than likely worth keeping..who's the precious child in your avatar grinnen30--I think I love this kid!!

[snazee_d]

hey grinnen, i like your sense of humour.

[grinnen30]

Yeah...the wife's not serious...we have a lot of fun together...although, I think she gets tired of my expensive hobbies...although, it really seems that the expensive part of airbrushing is getting set up. The paint is going a lot further than I thought...

The little girl is my youngest. She is the closest thing to a human clone that there is. Minus the gender, we got her right on...well...there is this crazy streak that I blame on contamination from the mom, but no one buys it

[chucktx]

great post!!! and your daughter is precious!!!!
chuck

[Vicar]

hehe, thanks for the read. I appreciate the list you composed for yourself. Seems like a perfect getaway plan for my own mishaps.
Cheers

[grinnen30]

Vicar-
I am always getting myself in trouble, so if you ever need an escape plan, I have a million of them for you. Problem is, the wife is so used to them that when I do something nice, she is suspicious.

Ike