been a while enjoy

[paulmo1]

TIME OFF

I decided that I needed a few days off and realized that I had run
out of vacation time already.

I figured the best way to get the Boss to send me
home was to act a little crazy, thinking he'd think I was burning
out and give me some time off.

I came in to work early the next day and began hanging upside
down from the ceiling. Just then one of my co-workers

(she's blonde -- it'll be important later) came in and asked me

what I was doing.

"Shh," I said, "I'm acting crazy to get a few days off. I'm a
light bulb."


A second later the Boss walked by and asked me what I was doing.
"I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed.


"You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off."


With that, I jumped down and started walking out.


My blonde co-worker started following me and the Boss asked where
she was going.


"I can't work in the dark," she said.

[paulmo1]

HOW TO HANDLE A HUSBAND

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beach
in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the
talk of the town. "What a peaceful & loving couple".

The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their
long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America,"
explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a
trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far
when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off.

My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said,"
That's once." "We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled
again, this time causing her to drop her water.

Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice." We hadn't gone a
half-mile when the horse stumbled for a third time. My wife quietly
removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I shouted at her, "What 's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the
poor animal like that? Are you crazy??"

She looked at me, and quietly said, "That's once."

"And from that moment... we have lived happily ever after."

[paulmo1]

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his
deplorable infidelity.
Suddenly, the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off.
Angrily, she tosses it out the car window.

Driving behind the couple is a man and his 9-year-old daughter.
The little girl was just chatting away at her father when, all of a
sudden, the penis smacks on the windshield, sticks for a moment, then
flies off.

Surprised, the daughter asks her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?"
Not wanting to expose his nine-year-old daughter to anything sexual at
such a young age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey."

The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes
she says, "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?"

[paulmo1]

Just in case you ever got the two mixed up, this should make things a
little bit clearer

IN PRISON .........you spend the majority of your time in an 8 X 10 cell.
AT WORK ...........you spend the majority of your time in a 6 X 8 cubicle.
IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK ..........you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK ...........you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK........... you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON .........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK ...........you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON..........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK ...........you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.
IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you can't even speak to your family.
IN PRISON..........all expenses are paid by the taxpayer with no work required.
AT WORK........... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK............they are called managers.

So ...... someone please remind me why we work???

[redneck]

may I ask what your idea of work is? I don't work for IRS and hope I that I am not to being too personal

ray

[aixguy]

Sounds like any office in corp America to me..

[redneck]

does that means that you are a office worker

[aixguy]

well yea.. sort of.. I am an AIX Unix System Administrator and I work for a big company.. lucky for me I work from home 100% of the time.. but I have worked in offices. I was also and Automechanic some years ago.. and even then I still couldn't wait to get to the bar

[chucktx]

acording to my watch it is beer thirty !!!!!!!!!!!
chucktx

[redneck]

I had work in many different types of offices, but the best ones was in the great outdoors [ farm,fishing ,hunting]

ray

[redneck]

Originally Posted by aixguy

well yea.. sort of.. I am an AIX Unix System Administrator and I work for a big company.. lucky for me I work from home 100% of the time.. but I have worked in offices. I was also and Automechanic some years ago.. and even then I still couldn't wait to get to the bar

this is only a guess , consider your various work skill I think that you are from the country [kentucky]

ray