8/22--8/29

[chucktx]

seeing as i cant seem to get on here untill late at nite,,,,,after my chores are finished.....i will get this post up this evening. i hope that fridge is having a good time on vacation......wish i was there!!!!! lol lol
bring on the funnies and pics.............
chucktx

[chucktx]

It's So Hot in Texas that..........

The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
laying hard boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

A sad Texan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for
me, 'cuz I've seen it - but for my 7-year old."

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

You can make instant sun tea.

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your
car.

You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

You notice that the best parking place is determined by shade
instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one
person is out on the streets.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
before work.

No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out
and end up lying on the pavement and get cooked to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
chucktx

[chucktx]

And for the fearless hunters of bear out there we know what you go out there into the woods for!! All is revealed

A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear. He carries his
trusty 22-gauge rifle with him. After a while, he spots a very
large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear
is gone.

A moment later, the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and
says, "No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two
choices: I can rip your throat out and eat you, or you can drop
your trousers, bend over, and I'll [insert appropriate
colloquialism for sodomy here]."

The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he
drops his trousers and bends over; and the bear does what he said
he would do.

After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers and
staggers back into town. He's pretty mad. He buys a much larger
gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same bear, aims, and
fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone.

A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says,
"You know what to do."

Afterward, the hunter pulls up his trousers, crawls back into
town, and buys a bazooka. Now he's really mad. He returns to the
forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires. The force of the bazooka
blast knocks him flat on his back.

When the smoke clears, the bear is standing over him and says,
"You're not doing this for the hunting, are you.
chucktx

[Kicks]

A priest and a pastor from the local churches are standing by the side of the road, pounding a sign into the ground that reads:
"The End is Near! Turn Yourself Around Now--Before It's Too Late!"

As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.
The pastor turns to the priest and asks, "Do you think the sign should just say "Bridge Out?"

[chucktx]

rotflmao!!!!!!!!!!
chucktx

[chucktx]

who says that cops dont have fun???!!!!
1. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

2. "Take your hands off the car again, Slick, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

3. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

4. "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

5. "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

6. "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

7. "Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

9. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in horse poop."

10. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

11. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

12. "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

13. "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

14. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

15. "Just how big were those 2 beers?"

chucktx

[chucktx]

GREAT TRUTHS

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the
second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.


GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) Its frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a driver's license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a driver's license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

chucktx

[SqueakySquirrel]

For those of us not fortunate enough to work in a studio...

[chucktx]

i for one am glad im not on the janitorial staff in that office building!!!!!!!!!!!
chucktx