10/24-10/30

[DAFRIDGE]

opps i fell off last week. its been 2 weeks so i hope that we have alot to pour out. kicks humor us wiht some of your haloween pictures! and chuck im sure youll have alot since it been a week without.

[chucktx]

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for thear swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watched in amazement.

Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "D##n it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
chucktx

[chucktx]

Telemarketers... oh boy... how many times do you run to the phone only to hear a telemarketer at the other end! Ughhh... Here is how we can fight back!!!!

If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no-one these days seems to care. And I have just so many problems -- my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my car wouldn't start this morning,,,,,"

Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my god! Judy, how have you been?"

Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, ut that if he will give you his home number you'll call him back later.

Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

If they call you during dinner, put them on speaker and continue your dinner conversation.

Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder... louder...
chucktx

[chucktx]

Three men, one American, one Japanese and one an Irishman were sitting naked in a sauna.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Irishman felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the toilet. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Irishman finally said-------"Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."
chucktx

that was a good one chuck

[chucktx]

A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying it
was impossible for their generation to understand his.
"You grew up in a different world," the student said.
"Today we have television, jet planes, space travel,
nuclear energy, computers..."

Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany,
the geezer said, "You're right. We didn't have those
things when we were young; so we invented them!
What are you doing for the next generation??"
chucktx

[chucktx]

Two related stories on NPR:

The first on the news reports that A Seattle firm was offering $105 boat trips to get Canadian flu shots.

The second on What Do you Know? defines a Canadian flu shot as: a shot of Canadian Club followed by a Moosehead beer.

I have to go out for a flu shot now.......lol
chucktx

[RSHelton]

Making a Baby


The Smiths had no children, since Mr. Smith couldn't get it up, so they decided to use a proxy father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon. Good luck!"

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to...."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.

Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.

"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."

"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to Central Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.

Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, er..,um.., ah.... equipment?"

"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

"Tripod??" Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!"

[Kicks]

Sorry Fridge,... been a busy week. Some good ones there Chuck,.... hey,... do you know how to tell if someone likes Moosehead?.......... Antler marks on their thighs!

[chucktx]

neat kicks>>but i think i will stick to jack daniels!!!!!