10/10-10/16

[DAFRIDGE]

new week time for new jokes. post till you can't nomore!

[Kicks]

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things
that are important to each other."

He addressed the man,

"Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,
"It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.

[chucktx]

While robbing a home, a burglar hears someone say, "Jesus is watching you." To his relief, he realizes it is just a parrot mimicking something it had heard.
The burglar asks the parrot, "What's your name?"
The parrot says, "Moses."
The burglar goes on to ask, "What kind of person names their parrot Moses?"
The parrot replies, "The same kind of person that names his Rottweiler Jesus."
chucktx

[chucktx]

A duck walks into a bar and says "Got any Grapes?" The bartender says "No", and the duck walks out. The duck comes back the next day and says "Got any Grapes?" The bartender says "No. This is a bar. We've got beer, wine, peanuts, potato chips, no grapes. The duck comes back the next day and says "Got any Grapes?" The bartender getting mad and says "This is the third time you've come in asking for grapes. If you come in again asking for grapes, I'm gonna nail your bill to the bar!" The duck comes back the next day and says "Got any nails?". The bartender says "No". The duck says "Got any grapes?"
chucktx

[chucktx]

Going to bed the other night my neighbor noticed people were stealing items from my shed. He called the police, but was told all the units were busy, but they’d send someone ASAP.

He hung up and called back a minute later. “Hello,” he said, “I called you a minute ago because my next door neighbor was being robbed. You don’t need to hurry now, I shot them.” Within minutes there were six police cars, plus a helicopter and the SWAT team. They caught the burglars red-handed.

“I thought you said you’d shot them,” said one of the officers.

“I thought you said there was no one available”, he retorted
chucktx

[Kicks]

And you think you have a bad job!

[DAFRIDGE]

A blonde teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance.
Leather jacket, chains, motorcycle boots, tattoos, pierced nose, tongue, lips and ears, and a purple Mohawk haircut.

Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and expressed their concern.
"Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "I don't think this is a very good boy for you to get involved with."

"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't good, why would he be doing 2000 hours of community service?"

[chucktx]

My wife says that I am too nosy. At least that's what she keeps scribbling in her diary.
chucktx

[DAFRIDGE]

A young redhead goes into a doctor's office and says that she fell in
her kitchen and now her entire body is in excruciating pain,
and that touching herself anywhere causes her to scream,
since the sharp pain is almost unbearable.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me "

With her index finger, she touches her elbow and screams in agony.
She then touches her knee and screams, touches her nose and screams.
Everywhere she touches herself makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're really not a redhead, are you?"
"No," she said, I'm actually a natural blonde.
"I thought so," the doctor says, "your index finger is broken."

[Kicks]

LOL,... good ones guys!