1/16-1/22

[DAFRIDGE]

let seem em chuck

[chucktx]

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24hours in a day are not enough,

remember the mayonnaise jar........and the beer.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full... They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of
sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous"yes."

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students
laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favourite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.
The sand is everything else-the small stuff.
If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled."I'm glad you asked... It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem... there's always room for a couple of beers.
chucktx

[chucktx]

Passengers on a plane are waiting for the flight to leave. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilot uniforms. Both are wearing dark glasses. One is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start. The passengers begin glancing nervously, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport.

As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off and that it will plow into the water, screams of panic fill the cabin.

At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die.
chucktx

[chucktx]

Three guys die over the Christmas holidays and find them at the gates to heaven...Where, obviously, they find the big man although he is dressed up in a red santa suit...The big guy looks at them and says, " well, if you have something on you with a reference to Christmas, I'll let you in".
The first guy checks all of his pockets and finds that one pocket had a piece of greenery which had somehow ended up in his pocket while is was removing brush..."here, he says, this represents a Christmas tree."..The big guy looks at it and says "okay, enter.." The second guy follows suit, checks all his pockets and pulls out a set of car keys which he jingles in front of the big guy...."look, he says, these represent Christmas bells".
"Okay," says the big man, "you can go in."
The third guy checks his pockets and pulls out a flimsy pair of woman's panties..."look, these are Carols.."
chucktx

[chucktx]

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgery. As she lay her
pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the
bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said,

"I'm so sorry, Cuddles has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are
you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied "How can you be so
sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or
anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, returning a few
moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the
examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at
the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later
with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed
delicately at the bird. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head,
meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and
said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably,
a dead duck."

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a
bill which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took
the bill. "$150!", she cried,

$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"The vet shrugged.

"I'm sorry. If you'd have taken my word for it, the bill would have been
only $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, the prices go way up!"
chucktx

[chucktx]

A man walked into the Women's Department of
Macy's in New York City He told the saleslady "I
would like a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B."
With a quizzical look the saleslady asked? "What
kind of bra?" He repeated "A Baptist bra - She said
to tell you that she wanted a Baptist bra, and that
you would know what she wanted. "Ah, now I remember"
said the saleslady. "We don't get as many requests
for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately
want the Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra,
or the Presbyterian type." Confused and a little
flustered, the man asked, "So, what are the
differences?"

The lady responded. "It is all really
quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army lifts up the fallen, the
Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright."
He mused on that information for a minute, and asked
So, what is the Baptist type for?" "They", she
replied, "make mountains out of molehills"
chucktx

that was good chuck thanks