time for a laugh

[paulmo1]

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.

10. Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision, I just don't give a sh*t.

14. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby, whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person to you?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing, and still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too may freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.

39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

40. Oh I get it... like humour... but different.

[paulmo1]

Have a history teacher explain this...if they can

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.


Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.


Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the
White House.


Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.


Now it gets really weird.


Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.


Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named
Johnson.


Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was
born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was
born in 1908.


John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln,
was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy,
was born in 1939.


Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.


Now hang on to your seat.


Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made
by 'Ford.'


Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran
and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his
assassin ran and hid in a theater.


Booth and Oswald were assassinated before
their trials.


And here's the kicker...


A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in
Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with
Marilyn Monroe.


Creepy huh? Send this to as many people as you
can, cause:

Hey, this is one history lesson people don't mind
reading.

[paulmo1]

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.



A teenager walked up to the bench and sat down.


He had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.



The old man just stared..


Every time the teenager looked, the old man was staring. The teenager finally said sarcastically,



"What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"


Without batting an eye, the old man replied.....



"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was wondering if you were my son."