it's another week..........

[chucktx]

Custody Battle Ruling:

A seven year old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama this morning when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of the boy.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge awarded custody to his aunt. The boy confirmed that his aunt beat him
more than his parents and refused to live there.

When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents the boy cried out that they beat him almost as bad as the aunt.

The judge dramatically allowed the boy to choose who should have custody of him.

Custody was granted to the 49ers this morning as the boy firmly believes that they are not capable of beating anyone
chucktx

[chucktx]

kicks should get a kick outa this one......
A Canadian Is Drinking In A New York Bar....
He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Canadian just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard.
One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar.
The bartender says "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you?
Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. >
We were gonna call you... so how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled & concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born."
The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson Canadian, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender & proudly says, "Had him circumcised".
chucktx

[chucktx]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORE ON GETTING OLDER

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the Faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshman. Here is this year's list:

The people who are starting college last fall across the nation were born in 1984.

They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and probably did not know he had ever been shot.

They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged. Black Monday, 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.

There has been only one Pope.

They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold War.

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Tianamen Square means nothing to them.

Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums.

The expression "You sound like a broken record" means nothing to them. They have never owned a record player.

They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong.

They may have never heard of an 8 track.

The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 1 year old.

As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 33 cents.

They have always had an answering machine.

Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black and white TV.

They have always had cable.

There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA was.

They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

They don't know what a cloth baby diaper is, or know about the "Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial.

Feeling old yet? There's more:

They were born the year that Walkmans were introduced by Sony.

Roller skating has always meant inline for them.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They have never seen Larry Bird play.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as W.W.I, W.W.II, and the Civil War.

They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.

They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: "Where's the beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel," or "de plane, de plane!".

They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. was.

The Titanic was found? They thought we always knew.

Michael Jackson has always been white.

Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not rock bands.

McDonalds never came in styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

There has always been e-mail.

And another (an humble one, but mine own) --

Slide-rules are old things you occasionally see in museums.

chucktx

[chucktx]

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class section. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. The blonde replies, "I'm young blonde and beautiful, and I m going to sit here all the way to LA."

Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.

Again the blonde replies, "I'm young blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.

She immediately gets up, says,"Thank you so much", hugs the co-pilot, then rushes back to her seat in the coach section.

The pilot and flight attendant , who were watching with rapt attention, together asked the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.

He replied, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."
chucktx

[DAFRIDGE]

lol,chuck having fun posting to yourself?

[DAFRIDGE]

Heres a list of things you can only get away with saying today with lots of family around... Have a great one!

1. Talk about a huge breast.
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's cool whip time.
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some.
10. Don't play with your meat!
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once.
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!
19. How long do I beat it before it's ready?
20. Man, that looks just like cranberry sauce.
21. Is that hole good and stuffed?
22. Should I wrap that for you?
23. I've done my part, now I just want to sleep.

[chucktx]

FUNNY............
chucktx

[artworkbysue]

Thanks Fridge....I'll use that for Christmas........(here in UK).......

[Kicks]

Thanks guys,... it's been a crazy week and those made my day! Two thumbs up!!!!

[chucktx]

Sexual harassment at work – is it a problem for the self-employed?
chucktx

[chucktx]

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out
that she's pregnant. She is furious. Here she's in the middle of her first
term as Senator of New York and this has happened to her.

She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts
screaming; "How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right
now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this! I
just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault! Your
fault! Well, what have you got to say?"

There is nothing but dead silence on the phone.

She screams again, "Did you hear me?"

Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible
whisper, he says, "Who is this?"
chucktx

[chucktx]

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
The owner walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The bartender says, "Yep, that's them".
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "well, we're going to kill 140 million Arabs and one blonde with big boobs".
The guy exclaimed, "a blonde with big boobs? Why kill a blonde with big boobs?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass?!! I told you no one would worry about 140 million Arabs!"
chucktx

[DAFRIDGE]

thosae are some funny ones chuck