7/25-7/31

[DAFRIDGE]

is itt just me or does the month fly by when all you do is paint everyday. ok its the end of the month let the jokes be told!. from now till... comics or funnny pics are acceptable. anything that makes one laugh can be posted here. keep it clean tho!

[chucktx]

Brought to you by Texas, the state where drinking and driving is considered a sport.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood bar. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles the man managed to find his own
car which he fell into.

He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles. At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street.

The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy."

chucktx

[artworkbysue]

This is pretty cool............when youdo this get really close to the screen for best effects.........Enjoy!!!
http://www.verylowsodium.com/tripwonker.php

[Dan]

I only threw my airbrush across the room once.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/badday.html

[AgilePaws]

Well, I've always been a real fan of space exploration. So, that's why this picture really facinated me...

[DAFRIDGE]

funny stuff guys keep them coming.

[artworkbysue]

Well, I've always been a real fan of space exploration. So, that's why this picture really facinated me...

That'll be our one .....LOL

[chucktx]

An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40
and says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "'Bout what?"

An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire.
He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted,
"Hurry over here-muh house is on fahr!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"

Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The
911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.
" The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to
Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

chucktx

[chucktx]

sue...................now i got to try and get this coke off my screen and keyboard!!!!!!!
chucktx

[chucktx]

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with the U.S. auto makers for the past five-years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, s**t!"

Only the state of Texas was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey Y'all, watch this.....
chucktx

[chucktx]

Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it.
Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings."
"I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist.
"Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?"
chucktx

[hippygeek]

Kern County California police drove this car for 1 week before an officer noticed what the graphics company employee did on the passenger side of the car. The employee did this on his last day working for the graphics company before he retired.

[SqueakySquirrel]

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then put my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot a$$hole?" he asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic ticket: $100.00
Court costs: $45.00
The look on the cop's face: PRICELESS.

[chucktx]

A little girl walked daily to and from school. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trip to school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school, and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child.

Following the roar of thunder, lightning, like a flaming sword would cut through the sky. Full of concern, the mother quickly got in her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did so, she saw her little girl walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile.


Another and another were to follow quickly, each with the little girl stopping, looking up and smiling. Finally, the mother called over to her child and asked, "what are you doing?"
The child answered, "smiling; God just keeps taking pictures of me."
chucktx

[chucktx]

After months overseas, the marine recieved a Dear John letter from his girlfriend. She'd dated several men while he was gone and decided to marry one, and asked the marine to send back her framed picture.

After getting over the initial shock, he went around to his buddies and gathered up a dozen framed photo's of pretty girls.

He sent them to his ex-girlfriend with a note saying, "Sorry, but I can't remember which one you are. Would you select your photo from these and send the rest back?"
chucktx

[chucktx]

Subject: Guns and Doctors [from The Johnston's]

a. The number of physicians in the United States is 700,000
b. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year is 120,000
c. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171 (US Dept. of Health & Human Services)

THINK ABOUT THIS:

a. The number of gun owners in the US is 80,000,000 (yes, eighty-million!)
b. The number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) is 1,500
c. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188

Statistically, doctors are about 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS A DOCTOR.

Alert your friends to this threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand.

As a public health measure I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical attention.

chucktx

[artworkbysue]

Originally Posted by chucktx

sue...................now i got to try and get this coke off my screen and keyboard!!!!!!!
chucktx

Glad you appreciated that Chuck....LOLOL