7/12 thru 7/17

[DAFRIDGE]

instead of making a new thread everyday i figure i would see how it would be to have one thread for the week so just let the jokes roll.

[Kicks]

Some days it just ain't worth kickin' it over!

holy crap......

[DAFRIDGE]

LOL where do you find these kicks?

[chucktx]

just got this from mr. gates......dont know if ya'll got it or not......



It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 2000 TEXAS EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of the STATE of TEXAS.

If you have one of these, you may need help understanding
the commands. The TEXAS EDITION may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS 2000, with a background picture of Willie Nelson superimposed on a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Please also note:

The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
Dial Up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"
Hard Drive is referred to as "4-Wheel Drive"
Floppies are "Them little bitty plastic thangs"
Instead of an error message, "Duct Tape" pops up


CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN TEXAS EDITION:
Cancel............stopdat
Reset.............try'er agin
Yes...............yep
No................nope
Find..............hunt fer it
Go to.............over yonder
Back..............back yonder
Help..............hep me out here
Stop..............kwitit (WHOA!)
Start.............crank'er up
Settings..........settins
Programs......... stuff at duz stuff
Documents....... .stuff ah done did

Also note that the TEXAS EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS 2000:

Tiperiter.....................a word processing program
Colerin' Book.................a graphics program
Cyferin' Mersheen.............calculator
Outhouse Paper................notepad
Inner-net.....................Microsoft explorer 5.0
Pitchers......................a graphics viewer


We regret any inconvenience it may have caused. If you received a copy of the TEXAS EDITION, you may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.


I hope this helps all y'all!

Billy Bob Gates

chucktx

[DAFRIDGE]

lol chuck thats the most ive ever laughed on a rainy day!

Great job Fridge , great job THANK YOU
Kicks you never lack for a great picture that makes one laugh
chuck I'm still laughing over that one

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahh

[chucktx]

after reading this i am hesitant to hook up with a woman from above the northern border!!!

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new
wives straight on their duties.

The first man had married a woman from Pennsylvania and bragged that he
had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that
needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the
third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put
away.

The second man had married a woman from West Virginia. He bragged that he
had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and
cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the
next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were
done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Canadian woman. He boasted that he told her
his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry
washed. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he didn't
see anything and the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day
some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left
eye.

[chucktx]

beware of knocks in the night!!!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud
pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!" He
slams the door and returns to bed.

Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push,"
he
answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out
there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Don't you remember
about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!" The
man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding
rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes" comes
back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the
husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

[chucktx]

this is one of those things that make you go hmmmmmmmm!!

How to clean the toilet

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom,and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean

chucktx

omg!!!!!!!!!!! sadistic ... yet time saving ... hmmmmm.....
LOL dude.....