[paulmo1]

... this timeline appropriately describes actual events in your
life: Star Wars opens, you are still in single digit ages, and
you think the creatures are WAY cool.

Empire Strikes Back opens, you are now in early double digit
ages, and you are convinced that the special effects are much
better, the characters are cooler, and you want one of every
collectible out there.

Return of the Jedi hits the theaters, you are now a teenager,
and you cannot get your eyes off Princess Leia's breasts or Han
Solo's butt. You fantasize forever and ever about it, and send
off to join every fan club for them on the planet, hanging
posters, photos, an "teen"-type magazine spreads all over your
walls and lockers at school.

... you remember when the phrase "candy is dandy, but sex won't
rot your teeth" started getting followed by "yeah, but M&M's
won't give you AIDS..."

... you've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton, but
not in the last five years, okay?

... you can't remember a time when "hitting the outlet stores"
didn't mean going to an electrical warehouse.

... you're starting to believe (now that it wouldn't affect
YOU) that maybe having the kids go to school year-round
wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.

... you're doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to
your major degree.

... you won't walk into the place where you once knew every
bartender on a first name basis because "there's too many kids
there".

... going to keg parties no longer involves hiding out in the
woods when the cops show up.

... you want to go out dancing, you really, REALLY do, but your
back hurts, sorry.

... you're starting to think that Corvettes really look good,
and aren't REALLY for guys going through a mid-life crisis and
worried about their penises. That's not YOU.

... you're starting to get that "Why aren't you married yet?"
schpiel, not just from parents, but now from friends who are
married.

... you've recently horrified yourself by groaning as you get
out of bed, not because of a hangover, but because it genuinely
just hurt to do so.

... you're finding that you just don't understand more than
half the lingo used on MTV any more.

... (mostly guys on this one) sex is still as much fun as it
used to be, and you're still really interested in it, but you
just want to make sure there's nothing really good on cable
that you'd be missing first.

... you ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon.

... U2 is too "popular" and "mainstream" for you now.

... you ever used the phrase "kiss mah grits" in conversation.

... when somone mentions two consecutive days of the week, the
Happy Days theme is stuck in your head for hours on end.

... you remember trying to guess the episode of the Brady Bunch
from the first scene.

... you ever used the phrase "don't make me angry... you
wouldn't LIKE me when I'm angry" when trying to frighten
someone off.

... you spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic
Woman or Wonder Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man.

... you had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding (on
General Hospital).

... you remember "Hey, let's be careful out there."

... your parents wanted you to attend medical school, but you
decided it was pointless since Quincy got all the babes,
anyway.

... you know who shot J.R.

... this rings a bell: "and my name, is Charlie. They work for
me."