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magazine subscriber
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 23
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Snappy Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he Opened
his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your
stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, But
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,"Do
these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied,"No ma'am,they're dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without
a ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of
him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got
stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."
Snappy Answer #5 - THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class,
I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a
death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter
sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the
student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to
write the exam with your other hand."
Snappy Answer #6 - One 6 Year Old.
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig
was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,
"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw
and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my
house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think
that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... 'Holy s... !
A talking pig!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes
---
Snappy Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he Opened
his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your
stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, But
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,"Do
these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied,"No ma'am,they're dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without
a ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of
him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got
stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."
Snappy Answer #5 - THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class,
I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a
death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter
sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the
student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to
write the exam with your other hand."
Snappy Answer #6 - One 6 Year Old.
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig
was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,
"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw
and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my
house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think
that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... 'Holy s... !
A talking pig!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes
---
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